Saturday, January 24, 2009

Hard Target

The Action Mutant…
would make a joke about Lance Henriksen being “flaming” but is afraid he would be glared to death.


Hard Target


review by Joe Burrows


Perspective:
(Note: Interesting to point out that after 132 reviews, this will be my first review of a Jean Claude Van Damme flick. I agree, it’s long overdue. I’m assuming that you are agreeing with me.)

At one time, a foreign filmmaker doing an American studio film for the first time was considered a big deal. When it was announced John Woo would be directing his first American made feature, the JCVD vehicle Hard Target, there was a sense of excitement but really more of unease. The inevitable questions arose…Would Universal, the film’s distributor, break down their new find & have him make the film the way an American studio film should? Would the MPAA neuter the bloody, grandiose violence that Woo was known for from his Hong Kong efforts? Would Wilford Brimley ride in on a horse, jump onto a larger horse, then a slightly smaller horse & ride off into the sunset? If you can’t figure out the answers to these questions (well, at least the first two) then you haven’t read too much about these sorts of things.

Problems began almost immediately, as Universal hired director Sam Raimi to be one of the executive producers in the event that he would become the “real” director of the flick once Woo fucked up. Raimi looked at it as an opportunity to work with one of his heroes, which was a far more respectable stance shown towards Woo than anyone at Universal showed. It got more ridiculous as studio execs were on set every day (during a two month shooting schedule, a timeframe half that of his filming of his opus Hard Boiled a year previous) handing down mandates on how many people could die during a scene, how much they could be shot & most likely how many squibs could be used! And then, there was Van Damme. Still having the clout of a major movie star at the time, JCVD felt during the editing process (which shockingly didn't involve Woo) that the film could use more of him…more Van Damme close-ups, more Van Damme action shots, more Van fucking Damme! Even if entire characters or scenes had to be compromised, so be it! People were paying to see him, not some guy with a fixation on guns & doves flying in slo-mo. When Woo delivered his 116 minute cut of Hard Target, Universal balked at the length (probably figuring JCVD fans didn’t have an attention span to stick with their hero for two hours). On top of that, the MPAA slapped Woo with the ever deadly NC-17 rating & had him edit and submit the film seven times before it was given an R. Hard Target made it to theaters at the end of the summer of 1993 at 97 minutes & while profitable, was nowhere near the success anyone had thought it would be. Woo’s career arguably never recovered, despite a few successful American features (Face/Off, the almost parody level Woo that was M-I:2). Amazingly, if this was all done in the present day, fans would most likely have to wait only a handful of months before the Director’s Cut would be available on DVD & all parties (studio, MPAA, fans, director, star) would be satisfied. It’s a shame that ego & supposed morality have gotten in the way of more than one promising effort and it’s even more of a shame that no one will seemingly ever learn from these mistakes.

The Plot, as it was:
Van Damme plays Chance Boudreaux, a merchant seaman (heh…merchant) who’s hard up for money in New Orleans. He takes the offer of distraught woman Nat Binder (Yancy Butler) to help her look for her homeless father (Chuck Pfarrer, the film’s screenwriter), whom she hasn’t seen in years. They find out that he’s been murdered as part of a sick game set up by madman Emil Fouchon (Lance Henriksen) where the latter enlists homeless combat vets to be chased through the N.O. streets by millionaires paying for the “rush” of hunting down another man. Emil’s men start killing off anyone close to the deceased Binder but soon realize that Boudreaux will not be easy to silence, especially when Chance makes his way to the backwoods where he grew up. Regardless of what you may have heard, hunting season has just begun!

Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Despite all of the studio tomfoolery & MPAA dickery, Hard Target is still a pretty entertaining action showcase. The amount of dilution of Woo’s trademarks cannot totally take away from the fact that it is still a John Woo film, though more in a B movie sense. There’s still enough to satisfy an ardent Woo mark, even if nothing gets anywhere close to the crazed brilliance of Hard Boiled or The Killer. The action set pieces are the flick’s bread n’ butter, as they get progressively larger in scale until the warehouse finale, which is classic Woo the whole way through. As a pure Action film in America, few can touch Hard Target even if it was made 15 years ago. Unfortunately, every other aspect of HT is scattershot at best, which leads to its mixed reception. The main discrepancy for me has to be the old genre problem of having far more compelling villains than heroes. Though not exactly unexpected, Henriksen is the main reason to see this as far as performances go. He turns Fouchon into an amoral slime on par with Clarence Boddicker in Robocop & his role would probably be on par with that one in people’s minds if this film was looked at more favorably. The inflections he adds to certain lines & subtle movements (like the Napoleon stance when he orders his men) make his act far better than the final product deserves. Hell, he allowed himself to be set on fire for one scene…how can you not love that? As Fouchon’s second Van Cleef, Arnold Vosloo (The Mummy) brings a sardonic glee to his work & compliments Lance’s glower. This is all well and good because when it comes to the face side, it turns into a Horror film situation where you can’t help but want to root for the killer(s). A side of drywall could have been put in Butler’s place for as much emotion she displays, with her range going from “comatose” to “slightly startled”. You would think this would make JCVD look positively Looney Tunes by comparison but he’s just as uninteresting. His attempts to incorporate the Cajun speech into his dialogue are amusing & you will know that he’s at least awake in those scenes (oh, and the one’s where he’s kicking people). At least Wilford Brimley had his Quaker Oats & provides some moments as Chance’s Uncle Douvee, even if most of those moments are in an incomprehensible Cajun drawl (“Good whiskey make jackrabbit slap de bear!” Well…bye bye jackrabbit, then). However, the main thing that will irk Woo fans is that Hard Target lacks something in its hero that is readily apparent in Woo’s HK work: heart. In Hard Boiled & (especially) The Killer, the main characters were not only Supermen with guns but fully functioning, emotional characters. Van Damme’s infallible good guy may have worked in lesser efforts but it proves to be Hard Target’s biggest failing. When he encounters Fouchon for the final showdown, there’s little catharsis in seeing the baddie get his because the result is never in doubt, not even for a spilt second. Shame someone of the set didn’t realize Van Damme was lacking emotional pull, what with all of that screen time he had and all.

Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- Ted Raimi, Sam’s brother, is the guy on the street hassled by Elijah (Willie Carpenter).
- SVEN…Ole Thorsen is back at it again as Stephan, the killer with the goofy looking shirt that Chance ruins.

Body Count/Violence: 36. Normally, thirty six dead bodies in a Woo film are equal to “a good start” or “one hell of an opening five minutes”. There’s still enough craziness abounding, with a few pretty sweet gun battles & a good amount of bloody hits to every part of the anatomy. Add to that some stabbing, explosions, arrow shots (both regular & metal tipped), grenade attacks, ear cutting (a nod to QT’s Reservoir Dogs, though it’s cut from impact to only show the results), people set on fire, snake attacks (and blown off snake head) and Van Damme’s brawling and you got a party. The best kill in the flick (IMO) involves a surprised biker, JCVD’s shotgun & a gas can. You’re the amateur chemistry major, you figure it out! Much of the violence is shortened from the original cut, which accounts for some of the film’s choppy editing.

Sexuality/Nudity: There’s a topless woman on a paper flyer but its in black & white (well, black & pink actually) so that’s about it.

Language/Dialogue: A few strong profanities (several F words, some SOBs) but not overly bad.

How bad was it?:
Most of Hard Target’s reviews put it squarely in the middle, which is better response than most of Van Damme’s movies and worse than Woo’s HK works. Those that wondered what the big deal was with Woo did at least cite the studio interference, as it wasn’t exactly a largely kept secret. Even with Van Damme and some of the other uninspired casting choices (and by that, I mean Yancy Butler), many admitted Hard Target was the best Action film that year though (to most critics) it was like saying what AC/DC album was their favorite.

Did it make the studio’s day?:
After raping John Woo’s creative efforts for all their worth, Universal released Hard Target in America on 8/20/93. Made on a modest budget of $15 million, the film debuted in 2nd place behind the third week of The Fugitive (which still had three more weeks before it was knocked out of that spot) with $10.1 million. It took a little less than a month for it to drop out of the top 10 & it finished its run in the States with $32.6 million (and $41.6 million overseas, for a final take of $74.2 million). This made it the 49th top grossing movie of the year, which did nothing more than give Woo the stigma of failure in America for a few years. Despite the grand age of DVD & countless versions of several films on the market, Hard Target is still only available in retail in its 97 minute theatrical version. If you go to certain sites, you may be able to find the 100 minute Unrated, overseas cut or the 116 minute Director’s Cut if you dig a little deeper.

Film: **1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****

Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Death Hunt

The Action Mutant…
sells his own pocket sized Charles Bronsons for trips out into the wilderness.


Death Hunt


review by Joe Burrows


Perspective:
A few numerical facts about Charles Bronson & Death Hunt:
- One of seven Bronson films to include the word “death” in the title (along with the five Death Wish films & 1988’s Messenger of Death).
- First of two films Bronson starred in that was directed by Peter Hunt (1987’s Assassination being the second).
- Released almost 14 years after The Dirty Dozen, which was the first on-screen pairing of Bronson & Lee Marvin.
- Third of four Bronson films that Ed Lauter appeared in (the others being Breakheart Pass, The White Buffalo & Death Wish 3).
- Though not a numerically based fact, did you know Ed Lauter was a stand up comedian before he started acting? Somehow that reminds me of Superintendent Chalmers’ assistant from The Simpsons doing a stand up routine. Lauter did star on one episode of Manimal in 1983, which would account for at least one laugh if he did stand up today. Hey, this was a numerically based fact after all!

The Plot, as it was:
Bronson stars as Albert Johnson, a mysterious drifter that rides into the Yukon Territory in 1931. His trouble begins when he rescues a wounded dog from a fight set up by the animal’s owner Hazel (Lauter). A visit by Hazel’s posse to Johnson’s cabin results in one dead dog & one dead posse member, so Mountie Edgar Millen (Marvin) and his crew come to the cabin to bring Johnson in peaceably. When a resolution seems almost in reach, Hazel’s trigger happy thugs start a shootout & a later dynamiting of Johnson’s cabin leads to Albert’s escape. Johnson, an experienced outdoorsman that knows the lay of the land, is chased by Millen, Hazel & many others looking to bring him down for a hefty reward ($1,000…remember, its 1931). If that’s not enough, the rumor that Johnson is the so-called “Mad Trapper” (some loon that carves out people’s gold fillings for monetary gain) adds fuel to the chase…a chase Millen is determined to end himself.

Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
One of the old adages that come to mind while watching Death Hunt is “Don’t let the facts get in the way of a good story.” Despite that the film is based on the true life chase of the “Mad Trapper of Rat River”, writers Michael Grais & Mark Victor (Marked for Death) reworked history so the film resembles a more traditional chase pic (history lesson this isn’t…this is). Words also don’t get in the way for our hero as I would be genuinely surprised if Bronson spoke over 75 words during the course of the film (though that does work for the character, as the real Albert Johnson was heard to have not said a word during the five week chase). On the surface, this seems like any other Bronson shoot-‘em-up style piece: it’s slam-bang, bloody escapist fare in which Bronson glares long & says little. This is all true but there are a few things that differentiate this from the usual notch on Old Stoneface. For one thing, the casting is spot on in every which way, from Bronson in the no nonsense lead to Marvin as his weathered yet cagey adversary. I enjoyed the subtleties that came about during their scenes together, such as the stares & grins during the heat of the chase that communicated (to each other & the audience) that an odd camaraderie was there, despite the fact that one wants to bring the other man to justice. Carl Weathers & Andrew Stevens also provide solid support as Millen’s deputies, as they get to somewhat flesh out their archetypes. Director Hunt, at the helm of globetrotting adventures such as On Her Majesty’s Secret Service & Shout at the Devil, makes the most of his Canadian scenery with grand cinematography from SatD camera operator James Devis. The buildup to the inevitable violent catalyst is handled very well, with the action being gritty & appropriate against the wilderness landscape. So, it comes as a bit of a disappointment when the film starts to slow up in the middle & only gets by on the two leads’ effortless screen presence. Two stars such as Bronson & Marvin can take away from some of the more glaring mistakes here, like suspect audio synching & editing (as well as Johnson jumping onto a snow bank that is located near a modern day traffic guardrail! I knew the 1930s were progressive but, shit…). Thankfully at 97 minutes, the film recovers for a stellar ending & makes for one of Bronson’s more viewable post-Death Wish vehicles.

Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- Sean McCann (Run, Tommy Boy) is the news reporter that offers the reward for Johnson’s capture. McCann also co-starred with Bronson in the latter’s last film role, the 1999 TV film Family of Cops III: Under Suspicion.

Body Count/Violence: 11. The bloodbath that was Chuck Bronson’s career was only accentuated with this effort. Whilst the number of dead bodies doesn’t reflect it, the blood per corpse factor is fairly high here. The dead are mostly handled by Bronson’s sawed off shotgun, resulting in blood splattering shots to the head, neck & chest. My favorite is when the rodent faced Charlie Rat (Maurice Kowaleski) is urged to break down Johnson’s door after his cabin has been shot up. Once the door opens, Johnson greets him from the foxhole in his floor & promptly blasts the poor bastard five feet out of the doorway with said shotgun. Unfortunately, the gore is skimped on the final few deaths & that takes away from their visceral impact. There’s some fighting, bear trap snaring, plane crashes & the aforementioned dog fight in the beginning.

Sexuality/Nudity: No nudity but there are the subplots of Sundog (Weathers) offering the “Buffalo Woman” (Amy Marie George) to Constable Adams (Stevens) & Hazel eventually revealing his true nature. And yet, Angie Dickinson is in the film for about as long as it takes to prepare a ham sandwich & nothing happens. Guess it just reestablishes the fact that there’s no room for women (Buffalo, Police or otherwise) in the Great Wild.

Language/Dialogue: A few F word instances & some old salt slang, mainly courtesy of Millen (“That look on your face would turn good whiskey into sour piss.”)

How bad was it?:
Not much in the way of reviews on this one, despite the fact that it’s not all that obscure (pops up on Encore or AMC several times during the year, for example). Few called it a serviceable actioner while others unfairly lumped it in with Bronson’s other “revenge” pics. Ok, so I suppose he is getting revenge for someone here (the wounded dog) but that’s pushing it a little.

Did it make the studio’s day?:
Northshore Investments Ltd. & Golden Harvest (who would later pair up for the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie) produced Death Hunt & released it in New York on 5/22/81 through 20th Century Fox. No budget figures were made public but the film made $5 million in the U.S. during its initial run & is available on DVD through Anchor Bay.

Film: ***/*****
Entertainment value: ****/*****

Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Bloody Mama

The Action Mutant…
shudders if there’s a sexual education film of the same title.


Bloody Mama


review by Joe Burrows


Perspective:
I don’t usually shill a movie on here & definitely don’t do so before its premiere but the exception is this case. Simply put…go see The Wrestler. I was jazzed when I first heard about the project, being the grapple aficionado that I am. Hearing that Nicholas Cage was supposed to be the lead caused a few lumps in the throat, as I could only imagine the manic promos (interviews) he would have conjured up while in character (“HI-FUCKING-YA to YOU, Mr. Fuji!”). When Cage dropped out & Mickey Rourke took over, my heart grew three sizes immediately. In reading about the storyline for the film & the cementing of Rourke’s involvement, I could just feel this was going to be something special. Out of all of the past Hollywood tough guys out there, which one conveys “beaten down, husk of a former giant” better than Mickey Rourke? As the release draws near (goes wide January 16th), I’m smiling on the inside at the fact that I will see a film that actually takes the subject of pro wrestling seriously for a change. Because lets face it, for every Beyond the Mat there are five of Ready to Rumble or No Holds Barred. Also, WWE head Vince McMahon got a special screening of the film recently and (shockingly) hated what he saw. Considering what’s happened the past few years, I’d be thankful someone wasn’t making a movie about Chris Benoit right about now if I was “Vinnie Mac”. Anyway, go out and see this on the 16th & check out this TAM friend if you’re a Mickey Rourke fan (or about to become one after you see…THE WRESTLER!).

The Plot, as it was:
Shelley Winters (The Poseidon Adventure) stars as “Ma” Barker, the verbose mother of a gang of bank robbing sons during the Depression era. Ma’s oedipal hold has produced an eclectic menagerie of sons, including gun happy Herman (Don Stroud), quiet Arthur (Clint Kimbrough), drugged out Lloyd (Robert DeNiro) and masochistic homosexual Fred (Robert Walden). The matriarch is content with the family robbing banks to carve out a living (as well as conveniently timed sing-a-longs) but they all end up on the run after a few innocents are murdered under Ma’s orders. As authorities close in, Ma’s “boys” begin to realize that their mother doesn’t really know best (Ed note: I know it’s supposed to be “Father Knows Best”. Just go with me, here!).

Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Those expecting a low budget gorefest in the grand Grindhouse tradition may be somewhat disappointed with the results of Bloody Mama (based on the true story of the Barker clan, to which the movie is mostly faithful to the source). Directed & produced by B movie impresario Roger Corman, BM shoots to be a bit more ambitious than the base instincts of the genre. The main focus of the film is how the sons progress from one crazy, (usually) murderous situation to the next, usually at the prompting of Ma & their slow descent into certain doom. There’s nothing wrong with this sort of build & the cast representing Barker’s brood displays their characters well (with an indication of the future to come in DeNiro’s oddball portrayal). Of course, these subtler, character based elements conflict with the movie’s flow & the result is something that is rarely seen in a Corman flick: it slows up! It actually seems longer than its 90 minute run time & there are actually times where the viewer looks for something to happen, only to be greeted by one of Ma Barker’s domineering song sessions. The exploitive nature that’s usually a given in Corman productions is curbed somewhat here & when it does show up, it only make things more uneven. However, it’s easy to get distracted by all of this whenever Winters’ Ma Barker is on screen. “Barker” ends up to be a very appropriate character name as Shelley literally barks, snarls, spits and eschews scenery with every motion. It takes immeasurable bravado to overshadow both yeomen’s work by Pat Hingle (as a businessman the Barkers kidnap) and Bruce Dern’s usual eccentric self (as Fred’s menacing boyfriend) but Winters does it. Her freaking out in the final moments is the perfect capper & carries the movie out on a high note. Without it, Bloody Mama is only intermittently interesting & alternates between audacity and waiting.

Body Count/Violence: 16. Despite its title, Bloody Mama doesn’t live up to the former half of its moniker until the last ten minutes of the film. Here, the Barkers & the police shoot it out with each other with grand abandon (and a live audience!), resulting in several bloody bullet hits (including Tommy gun fire to someone’s face & the brief, yet nasty aftermath). Before that, there is more shooting, fighting, a car chase that results in an explosion, drowning, drug use & an old woman being thrown from a moving car!

Sexuality/Nudity: Diane Varsi (as Herman’s girl Mona) shows her breasts in a bedroom scene & a woman shows her curvy backside while running from the Barkers after a backwoods tryst. Pamela Dunlap is shown in a suggestively cut up swimsuit & three old broads are left in the woods in their bloomers and topless (stop vomiting; they have arms over them the whole time). I’m sure Corman had to be chuckling at that one a little.

Language/Dialogue: Mild for the most part, with Ma having an affinity to calling cops “sons of bitches”.

How bad was it?:
Though the reviews were mixed (and expectedly so), opinions skewed more wildly than most Corman efforts. Some critics deemed it as straight exploitation while others praised it for its attempt at looking at the Barkers in a psychological manner. There was even some citing back to the film it’s obviously compared to (Bonnie & Clyde), saying that the violence & lifestyle wasn’t as glamorized as it was in B&C. And when you think glamorous, you think Shelley Winters (c-mon, did you really think I’d get through the whole review without even the slightest of shots at ol’ Shelley Win? I kid, I kid.).

Did it make the studio’s day?:
Being an American International release & produced by the “King of the Bs”, it would be fair to presume that Bloody Mama was a financial success, even without the budget or box office gross figures to back it up. It was released in America on 3/24/70.

Film: **1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****

Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Hangfire

The Action Mutant…
waits for Hangfire 2: Hangnail!


Hangfire


review by Joe Burrows


Perspective:
This past Christmas was a fairly uneventful one for TAM. I didn’t receive any new review fodder like last year, which produced the Lethal Weapon trilogy for my collection. However, I’m sure the post-holiday residuals will produce some great material that will be summarily broken down into hackneyed musings written for my enjoyment & no one else’s. That said, the start of TAM’s year brings him back to the public domain sector via Fancast.com, which offers a stellar selection of free films & TV episodes to watch (and no, this is not a cost cutting measure resembling those you have heard on the news as of late). And my first reviewed flick of the year…comes from the production team that brought the world the Barbarian Brothers vehicle Double Trouble! God Bless Us…Everyone!

The Plot, as it was:
Brad Davis (Midnight Express) plays Ike Slayton, the newly married Sheriff of a small New Mexico town. Before any honeymoon can commence, Ike’s prosecutor wife Maria (Kim Delaney) is taken hostage along with other townspeople by escaped killer/rapist Kuttner (Lee de Broux) & a posse of escaped felons. Caught in between a standoff with the convicts & a glut of National Guard soldiers led by the quite tweaked Col. Johnson (Jan-Michael Vincent), Ike teams with best bud Billy (Ken Foree) and attempts to diffuse the situation his way (which is hopefully not the “Max Power” way).

Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
A strange thing happened while I was watching Hangfire…I kept expecting it to suck. I mean wholeheartedly suck. Suck to the point that I would have to go order Taco Bell immediately afterwards so I wouldn’t feel as dirty as I had after watching it. Seriously, the cast consists of Jan-Michael Vincent, James Tolkan (Principal Strickland in the Back to the Future films…slacker!), George Kennedy, Yaphet Kotto, Lou Ferrigno and Lyle Fucking Alzado!...tell me this doesn’t sound like a Cannonball Run flick to you? And yet, Hangfire is much like the Krevoy/Stabler production I mentioned in the opening paragraph, as it’s quick, somewhat breezy Action fare that doesn’t overstay its welcome. It takes the whole “convicts busting out & raising hell” premise (done with a far bigger budget in Con Air) and does modestly well with low funding, squeezing a good amount of shootouts from it. The menagerie of former award winners & B flick luminaries actually fare well for the most part, though Kennedy & Kotto’s roles are fairly glorified cameos that take up about seven minutes of screen time combined. Davis & Foree have good buddy chemistry for the most part, even if Davis tends to be a bit dull in the lead. The solution to that quandary is to have a great villain to pick up the slack and de Broux plays the part in all of its slimy, over the top glory. You can tell he’s having fun with the role & he gets some great support from Tolkan as his confidant-in-arms. And who can’t appreciate JMV cracking tough guy lines in a slightly bent fashion (“I think we should march right in there and kick ‘em in the balls!”)? Things start to sputter around the end though, as the final confrontation in a helicopter comes off looking awkward (lots of long shots) & ends rather anticlimactically. In turn, the end’s a little too neat but it ends up fitting in with the already light tone of the movie. If you don’t mind your Action films being very digestible & compact for a rainy day afternoon, Hangfire will work for a decent 90 minute fix and may offer a surprise or two along the way.

Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- Fred Schneider (lead singer of The B-52s) is Attorney Allen. There goes a narwhal! (err…narwhal noise).

Body Count/Violence: 28. Hangfire starts things off with a moderately gory shower stabbing & continues to bring the blood on an intermittent basis. Most of it comes about by shooting, with at least one character getting it point blank in the head. The film also sports a nice car crash, some strangling, explosions, fighting, etc. It’s nothing to get crazy over but it’s enough to satiate as well.

Sexuality/Nudity: None. Who would have thought Delaney would flaunt her body more on TV & not in B movies such as this?

Language/Dialogue: Some occasional F bomb usage, as well as Kuttner calling Maria “bitch” while trying to “seduce” her. Ok, so those scenes kind of reminded me of the local gym teacher trying to come on to a hot MILF. And not in the slightly uncomfortable, yet still funny Coach McGurik on Home Movies type of way.

How bad was it?:
Being a not-so-widely-seen feature, there aren’t many reviews or feedback on Hangfire. What’s there is pretty mixed, with exactly one decent review and one bad fan feedback message.

Did it make the studio’s day?:
Filmed on the cheap in Santa Clarita, California, Motion Picture Corporation of America released Hangfire on video (through the Columbia/TriStar label) on 8/7/91. No box office/budget figures are public & it is only available on VHS (for as low as $1.49 on Amazon…or for FREE!).

Film: **1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****

Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.